Hola Kingfisher,
It was lovely to see you speeding past the galley window this morning. Do winds such as we have today make the flying harder? more exhilarating? both? I saw you land on a reed that was bowing at the command of the wind. You looked as though you took it all in your stride .. er, flap?
I ought to apologise. You've been getting the dulled edge of my low moods lately. Thanks for not complaining. Yes, it has been tough and I've been finding it hard to keep my spirits up. I realised I'd perhaps been overdoing the self-pity when a friend messaged me after reading the previous missives to check that I was okay. That was really kind of him. As you know I haven't really been okay. I like solitude and time and space to think and be in my own company, but solitude is very different from loneliness. I miss P. I miss being able to see C when she is feeling low and I really want to see B, before it's too late. I miss being able to give and receive hugs. Yesterday saw a return to the colder, windy, rainy weather we endured for weeks before the recent protracted sunny spell. Saturday was, I believe, the hottest day of the year so far. I may have told you that I don't thrive in the heat; although truth to tell, I'm not a fan of the cold either. I lit a fire for a couple of hours last evening. That took the chill off the air and warmed some water so it felt good not to be washing my hands in icy water every time.
C phoned. She'd been working and also needed to vent, but not about work. She's got some stuff going on with some members of the family and some of her friends. She seemed a little cheerier for having talked some of it through with me.
Last night we had a second family quiz night. My ex, all the kids except C, their partners/husbands/wives and all the grandkids Zoomed in. Some of the families were on multiple devices, so it was chaotic. The sound was dreadful and I found it difficult to hear some of the questions and the songs in the "intro round". I don't suppose that would have made much of a difference had I heard them anyway, since I only knew two or three out of the ten intros. There was a lot of hip-hop and rap and I know nothing about that kind of music. There was also a guess which celebrity's hair is in the picture. I did better on that round strangely, although, to be fair, I may not have done had R, the quizmaster general, not included Amy Winehouse, Kim Jong Un and the Mona Lisa! It was fun to connect with everyone, but conversation is impossible. As in real life, the young ones take all the attention, or in this situation the bandwidth, and the oldies rarely get to exchange a word. It was sad that C didn't feel up to joining in this time. She's been stewing further on the perceived slight we'd discussed earlier and didn't feel she wanted to mix.
Although it rained earlier today the sun is shining again and I am sitting outside to write this. The wind is still blowing hard, but I am sheltered in my lovely summer house. I really wanted to tell you that today is a much better day for me than any day for a long time. I washed my hair, trimmed and tidied my beard and at last felt able to set up and run through a few songs. It has been weeks since I played. My fingers are so stiff and the tips are so soft and my voice is so weak, but it felt great to pick up the music again. I found a new footdrum fill. It needs a lot more work, but I think I can manage it as I'm playing guitar and harmonica. I knew if I could manage to play some music I would feel better about life, but it has been so hard to find the motivation even to set up the stool and get a guitar out of the case. I may even venture back into the lockdown folk club if this carries on. I'll see if I can manage to get back into practising every day. It is shameful that I am not using this time to improve. I really would like to do a bit of recording too. I started recording "Fish On Fridays" a few weeks ago. Then the depression got the better of me and I couldn't manage any more.
Three days ago the swans went past. They were heading south at speed. This year's brood had obviously hatched within the past few days. Only two were hitching a ride on mama's back. Then the following day they came back again. This time they were in not so much of a rush. I saw the adults in the middle of the river in the distance as they approached the boat and carefully got out on to the landing stage with my camera. As I normally do when the swans go by I started talking when I judged they were within earshot. They normally come over for a little while if they have no other pressing mission. I thought they wouldn't approach this time because the cygnets were still so small. However, they came almost as close as it's possible to get to where I was standing. With the babies in between mama and papa they stayed near the bank for a while. There was no display or warning from either cob or pen and indeed, both were craning into the river to pull up some duckweed, which they proceeded to shred into smaller pieces that the cygnets would find more easily manageable. I know it is easy to anthropomorphise, but it really felt as though the cob and pen wanted to show off the family of nine babies. Wikipedia tells me that swans lay up to eight eggs. Ha!
I'm shortly off out for a bit of an adventure - yes, I know, I always say that adventure is over-rated. It's the day to collect the groceries that I ordered last week. I wonder how this works. At least I shouldn't have to queue and maintain the appropriate social distance as I wander disconsolately around the supermarket. I'm afraid last evening's Primisterial Broadcast was very lightweight in terms of new information. It seems that anything is possible or possibly not ... In the meantime I guess I carry on trying to carry on.
Once again, best wishes to you, dear kingfisher.
Hasta mañana,
marsh
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