Dear Mr Kingfisher,
Thanks for coming to see me this morning. I know you were too busy to stay long, but there was just time for a greeting before you had to go.
In two days' time it will be precisely one year since I have seen my lover and partner, P. Being apart and in different countries for all this time has been horrible. Not as horrible as catching covid I suppose, but we have to play the hand we are dealt. I am so looking forward to being allowed, and feeling safe enough, to go back to France. This period of enforced isolation has been not so different from my normal life in many ways, but in others it has proven very difficult. I am frustrated that I have not felt able to make good use of the time to work on musical projects; I certainly have enough half-started songs to finish. I've put that down to mild depression, something I do know about, but again that isn't the whole picture. I think the lack of purpose is what hurts most. If I have a performance coming up I practise and rehearse. I am not so consistent without the focus. I have also really missed going to see and hear live performances and I think that has also affected my productivity. I try really hard to avoid plagiarism, but a live show is often a stimulus for new musical ideas to begin rattling around in my head. I think it is the joy of witnessing music making in real life. A new idea may manifest as something "in the style of" and, only rarely, do I have to discard that idea completely because it turns out to be a copy of something I heard at the gig. I only have to discard it if it is irredeemable rubbish. The ideas have not been forthcoming, so I've not been writing much.
As always, there are conflicting items of news. I have a sense of optimism that the lockdown may begin to ease next month. As things stand it may be a further three months after that, before I can pick up where I left off a year ago. Of course, nothing can be set in stone, but there appears to be more optimism that we are on the mend. If, however, relaxing the lockdown rules also leads to increased cases of covid I really don't know how I'll deal with another lockdown. It may not go well. Of course, it helps that this week the sun is shining and I can power my devices, including this laptop, through my solar system. It is by no means warm, but I can wear shorts fairly comfortably outdoors. On the pessimistic side, I wonder if the weather is simply much nicer than it ought to be. It is March and I am wearing shorts. What will the temperature be like in high summer? We have had a lot of rain over the past few weeks and even more wind, but has the rain fed the aquifers sufficiently? So yes, it is wonderful to be contemplating the possibility of freedom of movement ...
Freedom of movement, there's a phrase. My next visit to France, whenever it happens, will be under very different rules and international relationships. I have no idea how the routines I developed for travelling to and fro will be affected by the fact that my movements are now subject to rules that haven't existed for the past forty years. Travelling to the USA has always felt more like travelling to a foreign place than travelling to France, but I fear that France may begin to feel more like a foreign country now. Whenever I mention a concern on a social networking site my trolls appear. One writes detailed responses that never seem quite to address what worries me and he usually admonishes me along the lines that I should have more "faith in my country", "depends whether you are a glass half-full or half-empty ..." kind of way. Yadda-yadda, yawn. Covid has complicated the whole picture with regard to leaving the European Union in an ill-tempered and discourteous way, but the figures seem to suggest that the effect of covid on people's livelihoods has been exacerbated by the negative aspects of Brexit.
The past weekend has brought to the headlines another important aspect of freedom of movement. I don't want to get into discussion on some of this, because I don't have a valid contribution to make. As a white male in my senior years my place is primarily to listen. I have heard female members of my family talk about some of their fears and experiences of being out and about on the street. I realise that some places feel very off-limits to them and the tales I have heard make me ashamed to be a man. The fact that I am constantly checking myself to ensure I don't add to the litany of acts exhibiting "toxic masculinity" is nothing compared to having to look over one's shoulder all the time and have to decide whether or not it is safe to walk this road or that, to challenge the cat-calls, the overt or soto voce insults, acts of intimidation, sexual or physical abuse apparently random and so casually committed, or ignore them. Until everyone feels safe going about their own business we do not have a free society. Being imprisoned behind the walls we have erected for our own safety is not acceptable.
This weekend we witnessed the police giving us a taste of a dystopia into which we are crashing at speed. It would appear that women holding a peaceful, socially distanced vigil were kettled and attacked by the police. The Home Secretary is pushing through legislation to curb our rights to express dissent. If the events of this past weekend are anything to go by little distinction in future may be made between holding or taking part in a vigil, a protest, a rally, a demonstration or a full scale riot. Under the proposed legislation it would appear that all these will be classified as acts of public disorder. These proposals to curb the freedom to express dissent are the most serious breaches on our liberty to assemble freely since the second world war.
So, Mr Kingfisher, what's going on in your world? I assume you are sprucing up your nest in preparation for this year's brood?
Here are some daffodils I photographed on the river bank recently. I hope you enjoy them.
Best wishes,
marsh
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